托福写作中那些很 low 的表达，考官看完开头段就想给你 15 分

## 词汇方面 低分作文在词汇方面的问题大致分为以下的三种：不准确，不丰富，不简洁。 ### 不准确 准确是用词的第一大原则，没有准确的表达，再丰富多变的表达都是徒劳。 ① 【错误】 The prices of luxury goods are so **expensive** that the average families could not afford them. 【修改】 The prices of luxury goods are so **high** that the average families could not afford them. 【解析】 expensive 的意思是 costing a lot of money，可以用来表示商品贵，而不能用来形容价格。“价格”是个数值，表示“价格高”时，应该用 high 修饰 prices。 ② 【错误】 The past few decades have witnessed **the damage of the environment** and the loss of the resources. 【修改】 The past few decades have witnessed **the damage to the environment** and the loss of the resources. 【解析】 damage of environment 表示“环境带来的破坏”，而当表示“对什么造成破坏”，damage 后面搭配的介词是 to。 ③ 【错误】 **On the one hand**, small corporations are easier to fit in…. **On the other hand**, cooperating with a few people costs less energy on coordination…. 【修改】 **For one thing**, small corporations are easier to fit in…. **For another**, cooperating with a few people costs less energy on coordination…. 【解析】 短语 on the one hand 和 on the other hand 用来引出对立的两个事物，不能单纯地理解为“一方面，另一方面”，而 for one thing, for another 才能引出表示并列的两个事物。 ### 不丰富 保证了用词的准确性后，在写作中我们接下来应该追求的就是用词的丰富度。但是很多考生的用词不是太普通就是缺乏变化。 ① 【低分】 Many believe that telling the truth is not always the best **way** to deal with people. 【高分】 Many believe that telling the truth is not always the best **policy** when dealing with people. 【解析】 在表达“处世之道”，低分表达用的名词是 way，而高分表达用的则是 policy。Policy 不但可以表示“政策”、“保险”，也能够表示“原则，为人之道”。 ② 【低分】 The basic trust in any relationships will be **destroyed**. 【高分】 The basic trust in any relationships will be **blotched**. 【解析】 当表达关系被破坏的时候，考生们最常用的就是 destroy，其实还可以用 blotch （它既作名词，意思是“污点”，也作动词，表达“弄脏”的意思），它可以形象表达出信任是如何被玷污的。 ③ 【低分】 If your friend had worn a newly **bought** dress on her birthday and energetically asked you if it was a worthy **buy**… 【高分】 If your friend had worn a newly **purchased** dress on her birthday and energetically asked you if it was a worthy **buy**… 【解析】 bought 是 buy 的过去分词和过去式，既然后面已经用到了名词 buy，为了避免重复，最好将第二句中的 bought 换成 purchased。 ④ 【低分】 Hiding(entirely or particially) the truth in some situations can be quite **useful** indeed. 【高分】 Hiding(entirely or particially) the truth in some situations can be quite **handy** indeed. 【解析】 当表达“有用的”时，很多人用 useful，而其实 handy 也可以表示这个意思。用 handy 更能表现词汇的丰富度。 ### 不简洁 用词的不简洁，也就是冗余，也是同学们在写作中常犯的一种低级错误。 ① 【冗余】 **In my opinion**, **I** prefer groups will be more helped by those members who are willing to do what other members want. 【修改】 **In my opinion**, groups will be more helped by those members who are willing to do what other members want. 【解析】 In my opionion 就已经表达了“我”的观点，而 I prefer 也表达了“我”的观点，所以这是一种重复。 ② 【冗余】 Scientists are trying to find a **solution to solve** the problem of water shortage. 【修改】 Scientists are trying to find a **solution to** the problem of water shortage. 【解析】 find a solution to solve 意思是“找到解决某问题的解决办法”，出现了两个“解决”，语义有重复，所以要么删去动词 solve，要么将 find a solution to 换成 solve。 ## 句型方面 低分作文在句型方面常体现的一个问题就是句型单一，有些同学只会运用陈述句，而很少运用感叹句和反问句，而有些只会运用简单句，定语从句或者宾语从句，很少使用状语从句等。 ① 【低分】 Right now adults have different points of view about live. 【高分】 Independence! Who doesn’t want independence? But the bigger question is how much of an independence is being discussed here? 【解析】 以上两句话分别来自一篇 3 分作文和一篇 5 分作文。第一句用了非常普通的简单句，没有亮点，而第二句话运用了反问句和感叹句，能引起读者极大的好奇心。一些同学可能会问：托福作文不应是议论文吗，也可以用反问句和感叹句这种表达强烈情感的句子吗？其实 OG 明确指出，添加一些类似的句子会丰富文章的句式，帮助表达强烈的感情。 ② 【低分】 Although selfless, understanding, thoughtful and loyal behaviors are also important, **honesty is the trait that I cherish most**. 【高分】 Although I would like to see altruistic, understanding, thoughtful and loyal behaviors from people, **an instance of the opposite of these behaviors would not upset me as much as dishonesty would**. 【解析】 第一句的主句运用了定语从句，而第二句的主句运用了比较状语从句 not as much as dishonesty would，这个比较状语从句的使用比定语从句更能加强作者的语气。